Category Archives: Humour

Obama Sure Has A Sexy Singing Voice

We always knew that he was ultra suave, but Barack Obama definitely added to his sex appeal a few days ago at a New York fundraising event, where  he sang a few bars of Al Green’s mega hit Let’s Stay Together.  Based on that beautiful crooner’s voice alone, I think he merits a second term in office.

This is the video……

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Facebook Vanity

Morning has broken. You are ready to face the world with renewed  vigour –  surely today has to be better than yesterday on the productivity front. You settle down to breakfast, and in between mouthfuls you fire up the Facebook application on your smart phone.

“Let’s see if there’s anything creative on Facebook aside from the usual literary quotations everyone seems to be posting these days,” you say to yourself.

Facebook finally loads up and voilà! you have lost another five friends. Your friend tally has gone down from 999 yesterday to 994. Cupping your face in both hands you let out a sigh. Getting your friend tally up to 2000 is proving a lot more difficult than you ever anticipated and you are beginning to take this knock back quite personal. Vanitas, your “real life friend,” has already reached the Facebook friend limit of 5000 friends. Better still, she recently set up a Facebook fan page to accommodate the army of friends still trickling in.

You feel so dejected.  It doesn’t really matter to you that Vanitas doesn’t even know or communicate with the vast majority of her Facebook friends. As far as she’s concerned, Facebook friends aren’t like “real life friends.” You really don’t need to know them or network with them, you simply collect them like one would collect shoes or handbags. After all, having an army of Facebook friends does wonders for ones online credibility.

Get a grip of yourself buddy! People may “unfriend” you on Facebook for a variety of reasons. They may have decided that the friendship wasn’t worth maintaining or they may have shut down their account altogether.  Believe me, some people will even “unfriend” you simply because of your friendship with someone they aren’t  comfortable with (for instance, their ex partner).  Big deal? Vanity upon vanity equates to compounded vanity.

The advent of Facebook mirrors that of the mobile phone. Before its evolution, we didn’t think we needed it. But now that we have it, we almost cannot live without it. We even sometimes wonder how we ever coped without it in the first place.

Unless you use it to promote your business, Facebook and other social networks shouldn’t be taken too seriously. So what if your Facebook friend tally isn’t rapidly moving north? What’s this got to do with the price of crude oil?

You’re so vain, I bet you think this post is about you…………………

The Thrills of Facebook

I don’t particularly think that Facebook is the best thing since sliced bread, although I do think it has its uses. It certainly is a good platform for reconnecting with long-lost friends, meeting people with whom one shares a common interest and general cyberspace mingling.  As we know, all types are represented on Facebook. There are the political aspirants, social commentators, hawkers, real celebrities, wannabe celebrities, sport pundits, political critics, cyberspace revolutionaries, jokers, hogwash peddlers, music video jockeys, propagandist and downright show-offs.

Although I wouldn’t consider myself a Facebook addict, like most people, I check in with Facebook on a daily basis mainly for the ‘feel-good’ element. Reading the updates of the political critics, cyberspace revolutionaries and hogwash peddlers can be highly amusing sometimes.

For what it is worth, I have recently been initiated into the Facebook ‘poke’ world. Approximately three weeks ago, an unknown friend of a Facebook friend poked me on Facebook. Not knowing what else to do, I simply poked back. The instigator poked back and ever since we have gotten into an intense poke war.

To some people a poke war is harmless fun, flirting or even Facebook sex. But when you really think about it, a poke war really is infantile. It’s a bit like two pre-school kids having a ‘my mummy is bigger than your mummy’ fight. There is no tangible end game, but yet, no one wants to back down first.

Some Facebook buffs claim to been engaged in poke wars that have gone on for years.  But seriously, isn’t that taking things a bit too far? Where is the excitement in a protracted, albeit, virtual war? Real life drawn-out wars like Afghanistan and Libya are bad enough.

Anyway, being in one poke war already, I thought I might start similar virtual wars with President Obama, Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey and Donald Trump – on Facebook of course.  I soon found out that these media savvy personalities had disabled the relevant poke application. Too bad.

I am sure a real life poke war between President Obama and Donald Trump would have real entertainment value. Colonel Gaddafi versus President Obama would definitely be a classic.

If you fancy instigating a poke war check out the official rules and then get poking.  All work and no play …………….

The thrills of Facebook.

Is “Uterus” a Dirty Word?

They say laughter is the best medicine for the heart and I must have overdosed on it when I heard that Republican lawmakers in Florida say “uterus” is a dirty word, and as such, should not be used in the Florida House.

Approximately two weeks ago, during  a political debate on the floor of Florida House, Democrat Congressman, Scott Randolph, remarked that his  wife should “incorporate her uterus” to stop lawmakers passing excessive abortion laws. Consequently, the use of the word uterus offended the Floridian Republicans, who claim that it is a dirty word.

Personally, I don’t see how “uterus,” which according to MedicineNet, is the scientific name of the “hollow, pear-shaped organ located in a woman’s lower abdomen between the bladder and the rectum,” is a dirty word. Since when did medical and scientific words constitute dirty language?  Maybe the Floridian-Republican-lawmakers-turned-linguistic-conspirators would have preferred it if Congressman Randolph had used the hip-hop variant  for “uterus” instead of its correct scientific name.  But seriously, the Republicans should stop behaving like a bunch of ungovernable kids and use their “cerebrum.”

Strangely enough, the Florida chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union of Florida (ACLU), has since purchased the domain name, IncorporateMyUterus.com and adopted the slogan, “My Uterus Is My Business.”  How truly hilarious.

The video clip posted below provides a more comical take on the story.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

My Top 20 General Gripes

Each and every one of us is unique in our makeup, and as such, different things make us cringe. What is meat to one man, is poison to another.

You may identify with some of my gripes, you may even find some funny, or even a bit pedantic. But as they say, there is no accounting for taste.  So in no particular order, let’s get straight to it.

1) Media sensationalism: whether it is the print media, TV or radio, continuous coverage of any news item gives me a headache.  How could anyone forget in a hurry the disgraceful media frenzy over the private lives of Tiger Woods and Wayne Rooney, as well as the upcoming UK 2011 royal wedding ?

2) Footballers who feel they are bigger than their clubs: the three on my list, for different reasons, are Messrs. Tevez, Rooney and Adebayor.

3) Politicians who vote on every side of every known issue: sadly, these types seem to be ten-a-penny these days.

4) People who swear: I don’t swear and my conclusion about those who do is that, either their vocabulary is limited or they are simply uncultured.

5) Armchair experts: especially those that clearly have no in-depth  knowledge of the subject they have been asked to comment upon ( usually on minority issues, religion and terrorism).

6) Some Nollywood movies: those of us who watch these movies will agree that some of them are a joke, with ridiculous storylines, inaccurate subtitles, fake American accents, and hopeless sequels.

7) Facebook friends who copy your Facebook status without your permission: being creative and original on Facebook isn’t really rocket science, but it still beats me how some people just blatantly plagiarise.

8)  Rogue Tradesmen: you call out a Gas Engineer to check out your heating system, he then tries to rip you off by charging you for work that is not required.

9) Backstabbers: according to the O’Jays:  “they smile in your face, all the time they wanna take your place………………back stabbers.”

10)  Tele Sales Marketers: the thing that irritates me about these types is the way they launch straight into their script as soon as you answer the phone. I simply let them carry on and when they pause to ask “are you the home owner ?” I simply stutter “no speak English” and then hang up.

11) Drivers who try to turn right from a far left lane: talk about a recipe for disaster.

12) Chinese king prawns fried rice with only two prawns in it: it’s a Friday night and you decide to skip cooking and get a takeaway instead.  You empty your takeaway into a plate only to find two lousy teeny-weeny prawns. Argh!

13) Sellouts: those who would sell their mothers down the river for a pittance. People like UK Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg and Princess Diana’s former butler, Paul Burrell come readily to mind.

14) Uninsured drivers: aside from rubbing me up the wrong way ( yes, I have had a few encounters with them), uninsured drivers are also a danger to other road users.

15) Rats: both the human form (a bit like the sellouts), as well as, rodents.

16) Too many taxes: council tax, Road tax, London Congestion charge, Passenger tax, and Value added tax.

17) Weapons of mass destruction: how come we still have not found them?

18) The 2010 UK election results: WHY ? WHY? WHY ? 😦

19) Biased news reporting.

20) Noisy neighbours from hell.

Why not tell us about some of your gripes.